Book Love: A Blessing and a Curse

The past months had been agonizing. I couldn’t help but follow her every post on social media even as every update only increased my craving. When the day came, I was almost in disbelief.

I waited.

Eight hours of an otherwise pleasant day at work were marred by my mind’s fixation. The object of my desire was ten minutes away, yet I had to sit until work was done.

When the moment finally came, my fingers brushing across the new hard cover, I needed to dive in. If I could have absorbed the story hidden among the pages right there, I would have. Instead, I made my way home with equal parts elation and despair. The story may have been in my hands, but a social life called. In my adult life, I was no longer the nerdy loner. My social life had expanded beyond my bookcase.

I flipped through the first few pages, anyway. What was I to do in the short time I had until my friends called, stare? I needed to open the book just to remind myself that the world, so like and yet unlike my own, still existed. There, I found old friends doing as well as could be expected. An urban fantasy is never as simple as reality, although the mirror it presents is always a delight.

Even as I closed the book to attend to reality, I left a small piece of myself. A bookmark of certain return.

When I reopened the pages, my reality momentarily switched. The pages brought forth new existence. In this until the end, I let one world disappear and another took over.

I felt my soul mold itself with the essence embedded by the skilled wordsmith who brought for that world. Even as I rolled with the emotions of various persons, I held myself above. Scrutinizing each word for a hint of foreshadowing, a fear built alongside joy. I knew what would happen, the hell I was about to put myself through, but I needed to know how.

Breadcrumbs, simple and innocent on their own, soon formed into a devastating image. My theories created a dark cloud over the continued joy of the character. It was too much and too fast.

I set the book down, cursing my bedroom walls and burying my face in my palms. Only then did I notice how tense my body felt. After a short moment of pacing, I returned. There would be no rest in my reality until I reach the last page of this fantasy.

…then it happened. I became acutely aware of everything this moment meant and all the pain that would surely occur. I rode with the characters desperation and resolve.

How many emotions is it possible to handle at once? In two sentences, I am overjoyed and terrified and panicked and hopeful and desperate. Where do I put all of this? Where does it lead?


Reality returns and with it, the realization that I have even more agonizing months ahead of me. Emotions surge as I reflect on every event and obsess over minute details. Anything could be a clue to what is to come.

I feel alive in a way no other activity can bring. Life’s fragility become painfully obvious and, in that moment, I make one small plea of the universe.

Please let me live long enough to read the next book.




7 thoughts on “Book Love: A Blessing and a Curse”

  1. Hahaha I don’t think I have felt this way since the last Harry Potter book came out! I was on the beach in Kenya and jonesing for a book store so I could get my hands on it– ain’t nobody got time for elephants right now, I need my Hogwarts.

    1. I always feel a lot of anticipation before a the next book in a series comes out, es especially if the last had a nasty cliff hanger.

      As far as everything else, it does take a special book and/or author.

      P.S. I’ve never read the Harry Potter books but feel like I should. I read the first one and was unimpressed, but people tell me by the third book, it sucks you in.

      1. I’m surprised you haven’t read them! But then again perhaps not surprised that you refrained from jumping on a bandwagon. I read them off and on in high school (I resisted for a long time) but man… after I read the 3rd one I was like MUST GO TO BOOK STORE NOW. So… It’s worth giving it a chance at least to that point. If nothing else, audiobooks are always a happy medium.

        1. Haha, I feel like you must know me so well. I was very much against jumping on the bandwagon. In middle school, when the books first became a hit, I wanted nothing to do with anything that interested the “popular crowd.” I picked up an adult series (which I still haven’t finished) called The Wheel of Time. Think Lord of the Rings times 14 books.

          That’s how Vampire Academy was for me, though. The first two books were decent enough to make me want to read the next one. The events of the third book took it to a new level, though. It seemed like every book after that got more intense.

          I have a few more books on my reading list, but once I finish them, I intend to pick up the Harry Potter series and see what all the hype is about. Besides, I hear the author is writing an 8th book. Maybe I can get the read before that comes out.

          1. Haha I haven’t heard of The Wheel of Time, hmmm… I was way into “His Dark Materials,” which I just happened upon at the library by chance. I haven’t really gotten into the Vampire thing.. perhaps I should give it a go…

            1. I’ve always been into the vampire thing. It’s why I read Twilight. Vampires? Hell yes!

              Unfortunately, that series has destroyed the good evil name of vampires. I still love them, though. In a world where we are constantly try to stay alive for as long as possible, keeping our youth and beauty in tact, I think vampires provide a unique mirror. Immortality has consequences.

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