The past months had been agonizing. I couldn’t help but follow her every post on social media even as every update only increased my craving. When the day came, I was almost in disbelief.
Eight hours of an otherwise pleasant day at work were marred by my mind’s fixation. The object of my desire was ten minutes away, yet I had to sit until work was done.
When the moment finally came, my fingers brushing across the new hard cover, I needed to dive in. If I could have absorbed the story hidden among the pages right there, I would have. Instead, I made my way home with equal parts elation and despair. The story may have been in my hands, but a social life called. In my adult life, I was no longer the nerdy loner. My social life had expanded beyond my bookcase.
I flipped through the first few pages, anyway. What was I to do in the short time I had until my friends called, stare? I needed to open the book just to remind myself that the world, so like and yet unlike my own, still existed. There, I found old friends doing as well as could be expected. An urban fantasy is never as simple as reality, although the mirror it presents is always a delight.
Even as I closed the book to attend to reality, I left a small piece of myself. A bookmark of certain return.
When I reopened the pages, my reality momentarily switched. The pages brought forth new existence. In this until the end, I let one world disappear and another took over.
I felt my soul mold itself with the essence embedded by the skilled wordsmith who brought for that world. Even as I rolled with the emotions of various persons, I held myself above. Scrutinizing each word for a hint of foreshadowing, a fear built alongside joy. I knew what would happen, the hell I was about to put myself through, but I needed to know how.
Breadcrumbs, simple and innocent on their own, soon formed into a devastating image. My theories created a dark cloud over the continued joy of the character. It was too much and too fast.
I set the book down, cursing my bedroom walls and burying my face in my palms. Only then did I notice how tense my body felt. After a short moment of pacing, I returned. There would be no rest in my reality until I reach the last page of this fantasy.
…then it happened. I became acutely aware of everything this moment meant and all the pain that would surely occur. I rode with the characters desperation and resolve.
How many emotions is it possible to handle at once? In two sentences, I am overjoyed and terrified and panicked and hopeful and desperate. Where do I put all of this? Where does it lead?
Reality returns and with it, the realization that I have even more agonizing months ahead of me. Emotions surge as I reflect on every event and obsess over minute details. Anything could be a clue to what is to come.
I feel alive in a way no other activity can bring. Life’s fragility become painfully obvious and, in that moment, I make one small plea of the universe.
Please let me live long enough to read the next book.
P.S. DID YOU SEE THIS? ARE YOU AS EXCITED AS I AM??????