It’s the Friday before Christmas, and all through the blogosphere, most bloggers are absent, except for TK.
The other day, I went for my usual chiropractic appointment and was met with terror in a red suit. There to entertain all the children with a fake beard and red hat that together obscure all facial features but the eyes, was Santa Claus. More specifically, he was a man dressed as Santa.
People who dress as St. Nick, like people who dress as the Easter bunny, clowns and mascots, creepy me the fuck out. That’s right, I used an expletive to describe just how uncomfortable these people, who hide their faces and dance around children, make me.
This isn’t unique to my adulthood. According to my parents, I never sat on Santa’s lap. They tried, as all new parents will, but I cried. It sounds to me like I was afraid to be anywhere near where that guy was. Maybe I knew, even then, that the man hiding behind the beard was not Santa.
Chiropractic Santa tried. He asked if I wanted a cookie or if I wanted a photo, but I just smiled and said no thank you. When I was done with my adjustment, I got out of that place as soon as possible.
I don’t know how to treat these people. Do they seriously want me to pretend that this guy is from the North Pole? People, I can’t lie to save my life. There is no way that I can look at that guy and see anything other than some dude in costume.
The guy wants me to pretend but I can only see him as your average Joe. I’m sorry. I see him ho-ho-ho-ing and being all jolly and I just want to get out before he brings his big, fake belly over to me.
I am not anti-Christmas. I love hanging with my family and giving the people I love presents. The cookies call to me and Victoria’s Secret has a ton of sales. If only the weather wasn’t trying to freeze my toes off, life would be perfect.
Santa is just as awesome as all the rest of those holiday characters. I have no problem with the guy. I just have problems with people who pretend to be the guy.
I’m done trying to rationalize. Sorry guys; I’m a freak of nature. One of these days, I’ll attend a Comic-Con and be rid of the fear.
Happy Holidays, Friends