There’s a radio show I sometimes catch that does this ridiculous show aimed at catching cheaters. It’s basically the radio version of those TV shows where one spouse hires a crew of camera and actors to confirm his or her suspicions of infidelity. This radio show calls the suspected cheater and tries to get them to own up to a relationship with someone else. Here’s how it went down.
Live, on air and with the suspicious girlfriend on the phone (but not speaking), the radio host called the boyfriend (which the girlfriend had provided). The radio host pretended to be from a delivery service. They told the boyfriend that they were notifying him of a gift they had for him from the alleged mistress. Lets call her Mary to make this easier.
Mary sent you an order of flowers and chocolates. Do you want to set them up to be delivered or do you want to come pick them up, they asked.
He responded that he would pick them up. The radio host then mentioned that their location was extremely close to where he lived and that he could just run it over right now. The boyfriend still declined, saying he would pick it up.
That matter out of the way, the radio host then asked if he wanted to send a return gift. He said they offered a 50% discount if he ordered a return gift during the phone conversations. Egging the man on further, the radio host said the gift the boyfriend was receiving was very nice and that he really should return the gesture. The boyfriend thought about it, agreed and asked what he could get for $40 to which the radio host said he could send half a dozen roses and some chocolates.
The radio host then asked what kind of message he wanted to send. The boyfriend told him to include a card that said “here’s to the next step.”
Then his girlfriend, who had been listening this whole time, dropped the guise. She was mad. Who is Mary? Why did you by her flowers? What do you mean by the next step? I knew you were cheating on me.
The radio host then sang this cheater song, proclaiming that they caught him. They boyfriend was reasonably mad, telling the girlfriend that she always did this and was jealous for no reason. Mary was just a friend and she just got a promotion.
Of course, the actual conversation between the two was not as civil as that above paragraph makes it sound. The radio show took the two off their air to discuss they’re now public problems privately. They then asked:
Would you be okay if your significant other bought a friend a bouquet of flowers? Is that appropriate?
I couldn’t help but think that there was a high likelihood the guy wasn’t cheating. I mean, the radio host lead him to the purchase, telling him he could only get the discount if he ordered now and talking about how nice the gift he was getting was. He never said they were dating and didn’t use any enduring terms. Maybe it was his first reaction after the guise was dropped that made me the most suspicious. “You always do this,” he said. He didn’t act surprised or ashamed. He didn’t show any of the typical signs of a guilty person caught red handed. I personally thought the whole rouse provided very little proof of infidelity.
Also, I would care in the least if D bought another girl flowers. What I think would hurt me is if he did it without telling me. Even then, all it takes is for me to ask, “why did you buy so-and-so flowers?” I’d trust whatever answer he gave me unless his answer was “none of your business.” That would be out of character.
D is allowed to have girls who are friends. He’s allowed to be kind to them and treat them the same as he would any other friend. I don’t see the problem here.
I think the drama kept me listening to the end of the phone call, but I had to change the channel after they asked if it was appropriate to give gifts to friends who are the gender you are attracted to (they kind of stumbled over that explanation too). The whole thing just disturbed me.
Do you think the boyfriend was cheating based on the conversation with the radio host? Is it appropriate to send flowers to someone who is just a friend? Do you think it’s possible for people to be ‘just friends’ with people of the gender they are attracted to? What are the actual signs of cheating?