That First Date, Five Years Ago, Today

Just two college kids
Just two college kids about 5 years ago

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Exactly five years ago today (well, tonight), D and I went on our first date. This is the day we mark as the anniversary of when our relationship began.

So, how did it all go down?

After a busy Thursday of college classes, I went to my usual fencing practice. We had arranged to meet at my dorm around midnight to watch a movie. I know what you’re thinking: booty call. Let me assure you, that is not what was happening. It’s possible D thought that’s what was happening, but I was naïve. That kind of thought never passed through my mind. All I knew was that I was not going to miss fencing practice and I was not going to see if D would wait two weeks for a date. These few late hours were the only free time I was going to have for a while.

I got home a little early so I could shower and checked out a Dane Cook DVD from the front desk. Then I waited. I waited because D was nearly and hour later than he said he would be. I didn’t think much of this, especially because I essentially greeted him in pajamas.

That’s right, folks. I wore baggy grey sweatpants with HAWKEYES printed down the left leg and a baggy T-shirt. I don’t think I even bothered to dry my hair. You would have thought I was getting ready for class instead of preparing for a date.

My attire may have been a little off from the norm, but D had his own issues. The man was nearly an hour late. He told me it was nerves. (Not sure if that counts as a red flag or not.)

Once he arrived, we nervously settled in for a night of comedy, with a bit of idle chat.

There aren’t explanations for some things. Everything in my life up to that point made me wary of the male gender. The few ‘relationships’ I had in high school were sad things. Those boys proved my father’s words. Men only wanted one thing. As such, I had a bubble and I didn’t like people in my bubble. Yet, something made me comfortable with D. We eventually ended up laying side by side on my futon as we continued to watch stand up comedy.

He was very careful with me and treated me differently than any other man before. He didn’t take; he asked. Maybe that’s what made me comfortable with him in a way I never had been before with anyone else.

What do I mean when I say he asked? It was the small things, the things those high school boyfriends just went for without a second thought. D asked my permission before he settled his hand on my leg. From the get go, he seem concerned about what I wanted. He’s always been good at reading people. Maybe he knew that asking would make me more comfortable. Maybe the friend who introduced us talked to him before he came over. I have no idea. All I know is that really appreciated the gesture.

As the DVD neared its end, D leaned over my ear with another question for me.

“What would you say if I told you I wanted to kiss you right now?”

The brief milliseconds that passed between that question and my answer seemed to stretch on forever.

“I’d say that’d be just fine,” I answered.

…and we kissed.

I want you to believe this was the most romantic moment, but I’d be lying. I was a horrible kisser. Where I grew up, kissing with any amount of tongue, open mouth stuff or whatever you call it was scandalous. In what I felt like was a magical moment, D was probably questioning every decision that brought him to kiss someone who didn’t know how to kiss back.

I don’t remember the exact words we exchanged. What I do remember was that, after a brief moment of embarrassment, D was able to guide me through proper kissing etiquette.

By the time our date was over, it was after two in the morning. It was too late for the cambuses to be running and D lived in the dorms on the other side of campus. I set him up with a blanket and a pillow on my futon and I settled into my bed (At that moment in my life, I didn’t think a man and a woman should sleep next to each other until marriage).

D left in the morning and I left for that weekend’s fencing tournament. I would eventually learn that being a quick study in the ways of kissing would not be enough to salvage the romance of that moment. You see, I had a roommate in my dorm, a roommate who I thought was asleep.

I was wrong. She was the uncomfortable witness to our smooching noises. Sorry roomy!

The Hump Day Blog HopDarling Dame

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17 thoughts on “That First Date, Five Years Ago, Today”

        1. I didn’t even think much of it. The way I saw it, I wasn’t going to put on a show. I was just going to be who I was from day one and he could take it or leave it. I didn’t want to invest my time only to find he didn’t like who I was once I dropped the mask. I wore lots of sweatpants and I never wore makeup. To this day, unless we’re attending some kind of important event together (like something work related) I still don’t wear make up. I highly suggest dolling up but leaving the make up off. See if he even notices.

          1. You put THAT much thought into it? Him seeing you for who you really are? Wow.

            I don’t wear makeup most days, but I ALWAYS do if I’m going out – even if I’m going alone. And most ppl say I’m always dressed nicely, but that’s my norm unless I’m going to the gym or maybe the mall. I’m being myself!

            More men have confidence to talk to me when I’m dressed down though. So, good point.

            1. I’ve always been a jeans and t-shirt kind of person. Honestly, I’d like to look nicer, but I haven’t grown since 8th grade. I have shirts from middle school that I still wear on occasion. On top of that, I can wear jeans and t-shirts to work all I want. I don’t have a need for new clothes, so I stick with what I have. Recently, though, I’m trying to make an effort to choose nicer clothes so that my wardrobe slowly changes into something more classy.

              I was odd like that, though. On following dates, I would want to look good but not like I was trying. this usually meant that if I was going to wear something to show off my legs, like heels or skinny jeans, I would make a point to wear something looser on top. On the flip side, if I wore a tight or form fitting top, I’d make a point to pair that with flared jeans and tennis shoes.

              I have no idea if those are logical thoughts, though. I had no idea what would make me look like I was trying to hard and what wouldn’t. To me, just putting on foundation would have been trying.

              1. Oh okay. I was tom-boyish til my early 20s. (Baggy clothing.) Spring is a great time to introduce new pieces! Try maxi dresses/skirts. Easy transition. If I could shop and get paid (a lot of money), I would. Lol

                1. I really love tea-length dresses. I love how maxi dresses look, but I’m petite. I feel like those dresses look bad on me. still, I keep staring at them. I’ll probably end up trying some on as spring gets closer.

                  1. Good idea. I just googled tea length dresses. They’re less casual. I’m sure you’ll find something. And skinny jeans are great. Pair them with wedges or strappy sandals for an instant upgrade. Happy shopping!

  1. First off congrats to you and D, well done on the five year mark. Secondly let me give D my compliments, I know that means jack squat and all but still it’s good to see a guy who acts in a gentlemanly manner there are few enough of those around as is in the first place. Thirdly compliments to you as well, I’m sure you had and continue to have your reasons for your actions and they generally sound like well rationalized reasons.

    By the way I don’t blame D for the nerves thing I remember my first “serious” girlfriend after the service, I took her out with some friends of mine so she wouldn’t be uncomfortable just with me, plus I was pretty horrible and talking to pretty girls at this point. We finally ended up splitting from the group and wandered off to get coffee before driving around aimlessly talking for three hours. At 2am we were in some random parking lot chatting when she finally hit mute on my Ipod and looked at me very seriously, she had enough of my antics. With a very serious look in her eyes she said. “Martin we’ve been sitting here for an hour listening to Jack Johnson and you haven’t stopped talking. Would you please kiss me already your driving me crazy.” Yeah good times, nerves especially when you keep on thinking to yourself “am I doing the right thing” and so on, can be a real pain in the rear.

  2. What a nice happy story to read on a sunny (but still cold) Wednesday morning 🙂

    I actually have known a lot of bad kissers (and a couple REALLY good ones!!) its weird to think about; you’d think that kissing would be easy… but if done poorly, well, it kinda sucks!

    And I couldn’t’ help but smile at the end of the story where you make him sleep in the other room. Too cute! He must have been like ‘huh?’ but I bet he was SO Polite and never even let on that he was disappointed to at least not get to cuddle with you all night :=)

    1. Yeah, where do people magically learn the ins and outs of kissing. I blame the two guys I kissed in high school. They could have at least taken the time to teach me a thing or two. High school is nothing but four years of awkwardness and embarrassment anyway. What’s one more uncomfortable moment?

      D wasn’t in another room since we just lived in the dorm. He was just on the futon. My bed and my roommates bed were both elevated so we could have our desk under them, so you could say he wasn’t on the same level as me. At the time, that was normal to me, A boy and a girl just didn’t lay next to each other and certainly not on the first date.

      Now that I think of it, he never really questioned me. When I would be hanging out late at his dorm, he’d insist I sleep on his bed while he slept on his couch. It would be about half a year before we so much as slept next to each other. I guess I still had my bubble to some extent.

    1. It was far better than the high school boyfriends who just touched without asking, and sometimes kept touching whenever they thought I wasn’t looking. I can’t speak for other women, but I have to believe that respecting another person goes a long way in building an emotional bond.

      1. For sure. I spent a night with a girl once that I was totally in love with. I never laid a finger on her. When I eventually did, I asked first. Best decision I ever made, I wouldn’t change a thing. Meant more to me than anything, till this very day.

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