NO TIME

Frequent readers of ChapterTK know about the bullies that plagued me, especially in middle school. During this time, one of my most effective stress relievers was writing. Poetry writing is what I specifically turned to. Through this medium, I was able to bring my feelings into reality and handle them as if they were a puzzle in my hands. I had many epiphanies in those years thanks to my poetry writing. I still have the notebooks, filled with hopes, dreams, fears and tears.

I have for you today what I hope is a treat for you all. Publishing my poetry is nerve-racking to me. I worry that no one will like them and I also worry that someone will steal them. I have since decided those are both very poor reasons for keeping these in the dark. With very few exceptions, most of these poems have never seen eyes other than my own.

The following poem was found folded up inside the cover of one of my notebooks. A date is absent (way to go middle school TK).

NO TIME

We humans are funny creatures,

the simplest things are so hard.

And the most complicated

things are so simple.

These days, adults find it

easier to understand

what a^2 + b^2 equals.

than how a person can just

stand and stare at the sky for five minutes.

I say adults because

children still possess the

innocent quality.

As they grow older it’s

pounded out of them.

There is NO TIME to

smell the flowers or watch the sky.

School, Homework, Chores,

and somewhere you have

to eat and sleep…maybe.

Stop painting your picture

that would doesn’t give a damn

about your art work.

What x equals is more important.

Stop gazing at the beauty

of this world.

There is no time

What some dead dude said

about some other dead dude

5,000 years ago

is more important than your

damned artistic aspirations.

Your art doesn’t matter

Your feelings don’t matter

Your words don’t matter

the would doesn’t give

a damn.

There’s not much time to

give much of anything.

What are we always in

such a rush?

What are we running

from?

or running towards?

Why does any of it matter;

If you’re a believer in

God…

You should know it’s

more important to

smell the flowers than

find what X equals.

If you’re not a believer

everything matters less

Why all the effort if death

is the inevitable final

destination?

Why does it matter what

some dead dude said if

his existence is no longer?

We’re not running from anything

So why the hell are we running?

To Hell with school

to hell with homework

to hell with the restrictions

they put on my life.

I am going to take

the time.

I am going to stop and

smell the flower and gaze

at the sky.

Below, I will give my thoughts on what this poem means, but I suggest you take a moment to decide what it means to you. What thoughts crossed your mind while reading? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

I assume this must have been written in late middle school or early high school. When I was around 11 years old, I wanted to be an artist. It didn’t take me long to figure out I had no talent for art. What I did have were ideas. I had so many swarming my mind I sometimes felt like I was insane. When I was struck by anger or depression, I kept my face neutral. When I could get my hands on pen and paper, I would dump all that emotion on the page. That’s how I realized that writing was where I was meant to be.

As I grew older, I think the adults in my life expected me to move away from that ideological dream. That seemed to be a trend in my life as I was also expected to grow out of my fascination with video games and anime. Clearly, that has not happened. Since middle school, I have wanted to be an author. Every step I have taken sense has been in the name of that conviction. In high school, I got involved in anything that could further my writing ability. It wasn’t long before I decided I would go to college for Journalism. There were many different ways I could use that degree and it would allow me to make a living writing and keep my book writing as a side project.

This was the first big, defining decision in my life. It was a decision my father was not comfortable with. I understand that he wanted me to make a good living and worried for me. He vehemently against my decision and called all the local newspapers. He wanted to know about their salaries and how rise in the business. I am 99.9% sure I told him there were plenty of careers I could have with a journalism degree. Print newspapers would not be my only employment option. I did not listen to him. I followed the path I set for myself when I was in middle school. I was going to be a writer.

My father’s outburst and worry hurt, but it wasn’t a surprise. I had long ago gotten used to my love of writing being misunderstood, along with just about anything else I took interest in. Given where I am in life right now, you know I did not head my father’s warning. I graduated college with a degree in journalism without ever thinking about salary or job prospects (until after graduation where it was the only thing I had to focus on).

I think ‘NO TIME’ was born out of my anger at those who doubted me. It wasn’t just my father. I usually felt like my peers and family where against many of my interests. Keep in mind, I don’t mean to imply they actually felt that way. I interpreted their words and actions as meaning they were against my interests. Thinking that way made me hurt, angry and sad. When those feelings collapsed, a poem was born by my hand.

*I corrected small spelling and grammar mistakes middle school TK made, but I otherwise did not alter anything. I included any punctuation that was written and capitalized only those words which I capitalized. Every time a new line starts is when I started a new line on the notebook page.

What did you think of this poem? Would you be interested in other poems I wrote during this time of my life? What ideas, thoughts or images did NO TIME stir in you? 

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24 thoughts on “NO TIME”

  1. Seems like more of a stream of conscious than poetry, then again my understanding on the subject is fairly limited having never had the talent or patience to write / study poetry. Also my hat is off to you TK, good on you for sharing I doubt I would have the courage to share my own writings (not from high school but from overseas) as I am well aware of how different I was back then.

    Also good on you for wanting to pursue journalism, what did you end up majoring in? Personally I always figured you should study something you liked in college, I know I am a horrible student when it comes to a class that I have no interest in it just doesn’t motivate me at all to get involved.

    Cheers.

    1. I mean, I call it poetry. I’m not sure if are rules as to what is and isn’t poetry. Maybe it’s the same thing as a stream of consciousness. It’s only purpose was to help me figure out my feelings.

      I actually got two majors 1)Journalism and Mass Communications 2)International Studies with an emphasis on human rights.

      …and now I work in marketing ^_^

  2. I fully understand that, it’s why I have quite a few journals from my time in the war they were an anchor I had in the craziness that sometimes went on around me.

    Good on you, and it’s funny that you work in Marketing. So many people ask me why I study Psychology, and my simple answer is I enjoy it. Let’s face it while many business want you to have a magical piece of paper that shows you did something for four years, they could care less what it is in, you could have studied underwater basket weaving. But hey you have a diploma, gold star for you. Sorry my cynical side is showing, it tends to do that when higher education is discussed.

    Cheers.

    1. When I graduated college, I applied to any and every job that remotely applied to me. A lot of applications asked for people who had “communications” experience. I though, I have that. I mean, journalism is a form of writing and communication.

      As fate would have it, most of the call backs I got where from marketing positions. It’s just where I was supposed to be at this stage of my life, I guess. The specific job doesn’t matter a whole lot to me. So long as I am writing, I am happy.

      1. Fair enough, I’m doing much the same thing. But also applying in countries which I want to explore while I am at it, I might as well take a chance although so far no one has hired me.

  3. I’m so glad you found poetry. And I wish I did it more. Bell Hooks says that poetry gets beyond convention, gets us into the deep part of ourselves, reveals us to ourselves, and as we share our poetry we have opportunities for both personal and social transformation.

    1. That all makes sense. There was no better method I find to understanding myself than through poetry, I didn’t really follow any method, I just let it flow.

  4. Dude, I REALLY hate kissing people’s asses, I get tired of reading comments and emails to me where people do it to me…….. and so I want to write a really long comment and tell you how awesome I thought the poem was, how surprised I was that It totally sucked me in and that I read every word of it…… but all I’m gonna say is; TK it was really good.

    1. Yay! Middle school TK thanks you.

      I was a bit worried. Written on paper, it didn’t seem nearly as long. I even thought about putting multiple lines together or separating lines with a / instead of starting a new line. It just didn’t seem right now me, though. I’ve seen long poems before. This is just how it was meant to be.

      Really, though, I am thrilled you liked it. Maybe I’ll throw some more up in the coming weeks.

    1. I’m happy to find I’m not the only one thinking this way. I think, when I wrote that, I was amazed at how complicated some of my peers made their lives. They would worry for the most ridiculous things or poke fun at me for things that seemed unimportant (who cares if I like to read on the bus?) They made all these tiny things into something complicated. Then, when it came to truly complicated topics (what do you want to be when you grow up? Where will you go to college? How much will it cost?) so many took it for granted. They assumed it would be simple and easy, when that wasn’t the case at all.

      I think it holds true for society in general. All too often, we focus on something simple and make it complicated and treat the true complexities like they have an easy answer.

  5. So great you held on to this, and even more that you knew where to find it. Wise words for a middle schooler. And still ALL to true!

    1. Yeah, I had it stuffed in a drawer of other things in my old bedroom. I ended up stealing it away mostly because I was afraid of my parents finding it. Even now, I really don’t want them to understand the full extent of how I felt back then. That is one way I am still like that little girl. I don’t want my parents to be disappointed or, worse, feel guilty for the experiences I had in my youth.

      Unless they find this blog, then maybe we’ll have a discussion. (Hi mom! Have you figured out how to use your smart TV yet?).

  6. FIrst off, thank you for stopping by my blog to find your blog. Secondly, this is actually inspiring. I think middle school me has already written something similar but I’m thinking it’s time for a revamp of the idea. I’d love to see how present TK would go about writing this now in comparison to middle school TK. Just curious. 🙂 Thanks again for stopping by! 😀

    1. How present TK would write about ‘no time’? I imagine it would lament how little time I have for all my nerdy interests… but it would also be positive. The people who keep me occupied today bring me great joy.

  7. No 1.You are absolutely not aware of what poetry is.. no 2.. time we have for all. It´s only a question of priority and of course lots of self discipline. Reg our muse . We are not all gifted to write and if we are, it´s lots of hard work.. No 3. Creativity demands a lot of knowledge. Read and learn.Have a great time.. enjoy your life.

    1. I think regularly exercising our creativity is good for us, whether we create something other’s like or not. As for these poems, I’m sure they’re not the greatest. Mostly, they are a reflection of a past self. It’s interesting to go back and reflect on the emotions I once had swirling within me.

      1. Exactly! Poetry is an exploration, a way to attune yourself to both your emotional life and the life of world, to be between without forcing either to be reduced beyond all recognition. Keep doing it… don’t be afraid of it, explore it, experiment, find the patterns that come alive for you rather than imposing an order on the words, let them awaken an order in your self.

        You’ll be fine… poetry found you, now she is your Mistress… she’s fickle, comes and goes, plays you hard at times, but in the end she is what we are…. thanks for dropping by my site… I’ve marked your site and will return often.

        I also am enjoying your essays, your thoughts are very inquisitive and the essay form suits you very nicely.

        1. Thanks. My poetry still makes me nervous. Essays seem to come more easy to me these days then poetry. All this stuff from high school sometimes seems so petty to me. I’m thrilled that people can find the messages in them. I didn’t write them willy nilly. From the moment I took a pen to paper, I was deadly serious about my writing,

  8. Great poem and yes most adults have lost touch with what matters most but I believe that everything has it’s importance, it’s just a matter of balance. We learn from history in order to move forward more effectively. So I’ll study Shakespeare in order to create my poetry and appreciate yours.

      1. You’re welcome. Allah (God) says in the Holy Qu’ran that He reveals things to man oft repeatedly but man is a stiff necked creature. And He ask man if he has considered the destruction of past nations, how He has destroyed them because of their disobedience to Him.

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