Boyfriend #1 and My First Kiss[es] (Part 1)

High School TK, you’re so much better than this.

My first ‘boyfriend,’ if it can really be called that, is among the many mistakes of my childhood. The only reason this relationship lasted as long as it did is because of my own poor self-esteem. It’s like the boys could smell it on me. Just tell that girl she’s pretty and she’ll do just about anything. That’s how poorly she regards herself.

We’re going to call this boy Levi, but keep in mind, this is not his real name. Levi was the ex-boyfriend of one of my friends. The two of them were on friendly terms since the break up. As I remember it, it was that friend who told me Levi wanted to ask me to the Homecoming dance. I knew nothing about this guy and was far from attracted to him. I’ll spare you the physical details because they don’t really matter. All you need to know is that High School TK (aka: me) was willing to go to the dance with a guy she had no internet in because she her from a friend that he was interested in her.

Ah, the lovely high school memories.

Levi never asked me to the dance himself. Instead, I told my friend I was interested and she asked him if he was still interested. He said he was and then she asked me out for him. Do you want to slap High School TK (aka: me) right now, because I do. High School TK, take it from Future TK, this is a BAD idea.

I'm the girl without a MSPaint attempt at a blur on her face (the one on the right).
I’m the girl without a MSPaint attempt at a blur on her face (the one on the right).

She didn’t listen. Instead, High School TK (aka: me) dawned a white homecoming dress (which looked horrible on her because it was made for girls with average boobs and High School TK had tiny ones) and went to the dance. Her ‘date’ was an hour late. He mumbled some odd excuse that probably meant nothing. The boy could have called to say he was late. He could have done anything to prevent a poor girl from doubting her self-worth that much more for an hour while others danced.

When Levi finally came, I was livid. “What do you think you’re doing leaving me hanging?” I yelled. “You could have at least called one of my friends to let me know you would be late. No! You know what? I should have expected this. You didn’t even have the balls to ask me out on your own. This date is over. Screw you.”

If only I had that reaction. Instead, High School TK (aka: me) ignored all red flags and rolled on with the night. We danced and, out of the blue, he kissed me. It wasn’t that romantic, and it caught me completely off guard. Guys, this was the most awkward kiss in the world. My mouth wasn’t open at all, partly because I wasn’t expecting the kiss and partly because, if I did, I expected more of a peck to start out with (tongues were for sluts).  He, however, tried to eat my face.

Levi pulled back, looked me right in the eye and laughed at me. “Was that your first kiss?”

“Thanks for the memories, but I’m done with this shit.” is exactly what I wish I would have said… but I didn’t. Instead, we awkwardly made out against the bleachers. I don’t know what was going through his mind, but I was completely out of my body. I wondered, is this how it was supposed to be? Is this the only guy who will ever like me? Is this was kissing is? Am I supposed to be paying attention? What are my friends going to say?

There was no romance here, folks. This moment was nothing but a bubble of awkward that I couldn’t wait to end.

Maybe it was all a fluke. Perhaps, Levi was actually a decent guy. We made plans to meet up at his house the next day and watch a movie. What did a handful of red flags matter? There was a boy who claimed to like me! Yay!

Click here for part two: the tale of the movie date.

How many red flags do you spot in this story?  At what point would your high school self have abandoned this date? What was your first kiss like? What was the most awkward experience of your youth?


13 thoughts on “Boyfriend #1 and My First Kiss[es] (Part 1)”

  1. I share your pain on the shock and awe kiss. My first-attempted-kiss was during a couples skate in sixth grade, I think. Of course, being the most unstable on skates of the two, I was skating backwards when the boy started moving in for the kill–in front of all our other friends skating around us–and I panicked. For some reason, I thought appropriate kiss dodging was to go rigid and smile really big, I mean show all your teeth smile…and that’s exactly what he kissed, all my teeth, while pushing me into a wall.

    Good times all around.

    We had to have a do-over because in sixth grade, seeing your friends kiss is somehow titillating. So, round two was in the lazor tag room with strobe lights and giggling. It was wet and awkward, and I ran away after.

    1. I hear a lot of stories about great first kisses. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who stumbled into the process. I wish I could have thought of a way to doge the kiss entirely. Maybe it would have made him try harder to get my attention. Part of the reason why it surprised me is because I wasn’t paying attention to him at all. On all fronts he was not the guy for me.

  2. Unfortunately, I can relate to this all too well. I had very poor self esteem and have experienced something very similar to this.
    ” He, however, tried to eat my face.”
    –Been there, done that. I snuck out at night once when I was a teenager. I don’t even remember how I ended up with this crowd, but somehow I got introduced to this guy. When they took me home, right before climbing into my bedroom window, this guy (who ended up becoming my bf for the next year or so) did exactly the same thing. He tried to eat my face. It was disgusting. It’s awful what girl’s with low self-esteem go through and will allow, don’t you think? We were both there.

    1. Arg, low self esteem. If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to do what I can to make sure she knows she a wonderful girl worthy of all the love in the world. She’s better off being a strong awesome person on her own then she is settling for someone because she’s afraid no one will like her.

      My post tomorrow will go into how this experience effected my self esteem. At the end of the day, I’m actually grateful I didn’t get involved in something worse. I saw plenty of girls experience much worse things than I because they didn’t have the self esteem to say no.

  3. Oh lord. I’m nowhere near ready to talk about my first kiss.
    I think you look adorable in the photo, for the record.
    This guy sounds like an ass, as do most high school boys unless they are related to me and/or the children of my friends.
    I never went to a high school dance… and was never asked on a date in any shape or form. I’m beginning to think that was a blessing 😉

    1. I kind of wish I was so lucky as to never be asked on a date. I mean, it was clear that this guy wasn’t a winner from the beginning. He didn’t even have the courage to ask me out in person. For all I know, my friends just set it up for me because they felt bad for me. I went to my share of dances, but I wasn’t a big fan of them. I never saw the point of paying money so I could stand around and talk to my friends. I could do that other places without spending money.

      High schoolers, in general, are just not ready for relationships. They are too ignorant and childish. This goes for this guy, as well as myself. If I had any idea what I was doing, I would have insisted he ask me out in person and told him off for being so late.

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