I’ve got another short one for you as we move on to page two of my childhood poetry book. Just to recap for anyone new here, I’ve shared the poetry I wrote as a child every Wednesday. I don’t expect these words to be amazing. They are little more than the simple musings of a teenager. For various reasons, I often found myself full of confusing emotions. I was afraid to express them for fear their expression would only increase my bullying or disappoint my parents. Poetry was my godsend.
Last week, I shared a poem entitled ‘Torture,’ where 13-year-old TK gave voice to her emotions and made them real. While this week’s poem may still seem sad, it’s actually a revelation.
(Written March 30, 2004. I was 13 and in 8th grade)
No one listens,
No one wants to hear,
but all I want is to
share my pain inside,
people have their own problems,
no reason to listen to mine,
how I wish to be comforted.
Clearly this is not a shining moment for my poetry ability. It has little rhyme or rhythm. As a poem, it sucks. However, as a personal revelation, this poem is huge. I said before this poem was a revelation for me. This revelation in the very last line. I wanted comforted. I had spent most of my middle school years numbing myself to emotions and convincing myself I would be alone forever. The idea that I would need help made me feel shameful and weak. I didn’t want to need anyone.
Yet, I needed someone.
I wanted comfort and friendship. I wanted a shoulder to cry on. The words of this poem are few, but they had to fight through my shame to get out. I learned, through writing this, that I could not make it through this world alone. I needed people, regardless of the shame I felt for my weakness. For me, this was a huge lesson. There was no way I was going to rise about the human need for social activity.
Next week, I’ll be sharing one of my favorites. The poem will dive deeper into some of the more complex emotions of my youth.