The passing of my 24th birthday didn’t bring a lot of change. It never does as I never expect the day to be much different from any other. As I reflected on the years I’ve been on this Earth, I did happen upon a revelation. I am content.
That isn’t to say life is perfect. My apartment could be cleaner, my salary could be higher and I wouldn’t mind getting rid of those ‘fat days.’ Despite all that, there’s nothing I want. Life is great and I quite literally can’t think of anything to ask for.
Since I moved to the Chicagoland area, more people assume something grand should happen on most holidays, birthdays and anniversaries. I’m under the impression that these are the type of days where hundreds of dollars (or at least a hundred) are expected to be spend on extravagant celebrations.
All that sounds too stressful to me. I don’t want anyone around me to feel pressured to impress me with food and objects. Believe me, I have plenty of that. I guess I’m just bad at wanting.
You know what I wanted for my birthday? All I wished for was a little bit of ice cream and to spend the evening with my boyfriend. I am not joking when I say I needed nothing else to be happy.
I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t have been a little disappointed if, of all people, my boyfriend neglected to get me a present. I knew, however that we had plans to go out with friends for sushi this weekend and that he moved his chiropractic appointment so he could spend the evening with me. Those things count as presents to me. I am not joking when I say I was perfectly content.
As I was already happy, the other things he did for me yesterday just made me feel spoiled (and very happy). He had flowers delivered to my office. They’re supposed to look like the sky, with big yellow roses, tiny blue flowers and these big white lilies. I always poke fun at him for never giving me flowers in the five years we’ve been together. It wasn’t that I minded; I just thought it was kind of funny.
He also took my bike to the shop and got it fixed! That exclamation mark is 100% necessary because this makes me super happy. My bike didn’t even cross my mind, but I have wanted to get it fixed since last summer. I’ll spare you the details. Let’s just say it was no longer meeting my biking expectations and need to be tweaked.
This Saturday, the high is supposed to be near 70 degrees. We’ll probably go for a ride (and work off all that sushi) and now I’ll be able to speed off in the highest gears. I am super excited.
Is that enough for a birthday? I really don’t know guys; I’m super bad at wanting things. There will always be books and video games I will lust after, but I’d honestly rather buy those things myself (I’m very picky when it comes to books and games).
There is nothing wrong with wanting a big birthday bash or expecting half a dozen presents. I’m under the impression that is the typical roll out for a birthday. I would, of course, be thrilled with those things as well. It just seems rather excessive to expect so much every single year.
Perhaps my birthday desires are the result of how I try to live my life. When I consider friends, family and life partners, I expect very little that is materialistic from them. No amount of money a person could ever spend on me will ever prove their love for me. In fact, I find material things are often used as a distraction for cheating or backstabbing. As such, I don’t feel the need for fancy dinners and lavish getaways from the people in my life, not even from my boyfriend. It’s nice, when those things are given, but I’m never going to expect those things.
I can hear you all now. “Fine, TK. How, then do you know if you are loved?”
You don’t, at least, you don’t know using any of the logical methods we use to confirm facts. Love, whether that love be between family, friends or life partners, is something you feel from their actions. Have you ever heard someone say ‘love is a verb’? Love is something you do, but it’s also something you believe in.
Back in college, when I was working for an online dating blog, I wrote a post about love and religion. Specifically, I wrote about how they require similar ideas of faith. Love is not something that can be proven by any human means. You have to have faith and believe. It’s not something you can explain with any sort of logic. You have to feel it in the core of your being. Perhaps most importantly, love is not something that just happens. It takes an effort. Both people need to be constantly present in the relationship.
I get all this and more from my boyfriend. We ended our night watching an episode of Cosmos and gazing at Mars and Jupiter in the sky with wonder. I could not have asked for more.