Plagued with Worries, Hidden

There are going to be some changes coming to ChapterTK due to my new job and subsequent new schedule. For now, just know that The Zachery Saga will now be moved to Friday. Additionally, please know that I appreciate each and every one of your comments. It’s all related to my schedule change. More on Saturday. For now, on with our regularly scheduled programming.


This poem is kind of funny because I won’t be able to give as much insight to this one. When I first started reading it, I started to think about my father. In the last half, it became clear that wasn’t the case

I wrote this poem on October 5th, 2004. I was 14 years old and a freshman in high school.

Plagued

You worry that I worry to little

I worry that you worry too much

Both of us are plagued with worries

You let the world know

I hide

You tell the world your worries and fears

I trap them inside

You rely on friends for support

I rely on myself

_

I do not believe the world

has the right to see my worries;

my fears

I let these pages know my feelings

No one and nothing else will hear.


What makes this poem particularly funny is that you can tell by this last line that I had no intention of sharing this writing with anyone. That didn’t last long as this series is not the first time some of these poems have been made public. I read a couple of my own poems, paired with some great writing my Maya Angelou, for extracurricular speech during the 2007 – 2008 school year.

Sharing two poems is hardly the same as publishing them all on my blog, which honestly still causes me a bit of anxiety. I associate a lot of this writing with a sad and ignorant teenager and often fear it will sound childish. Just like that, I defy this poem. I’ve gotten far better at voicing worries and fears I have.

This photo, “Stop Worrying” is copyright (c) 2014 Celestine Chua and made available under an Attribution 2.0 Generic license

I used to think worries, fears and the things that came with them (like tears) were signs of weakness. That was an attitude left over from the days when the bullies were worse. These were the sorts of emotions I learned to hide because I felt any reaction to my bullies actions would make it all worse. At the very least, my boyfriend gets to hear all my worries.

Maybe it’s not that I’ve really changed in who I share these sorts of worries with. Perhaps I just didn’t feel close enough to anyone in 2004 to give anyone that level of trust. It’s funny to think like that because I certainly felt like I trusted a handful of people, but did I really?

This is so different from the other poems I’ve shared because I can’t provide as detailed of an explanation. I have no idea who I am talking to in this poem. It may be a specific friend or a specific family member. I’m not sure what specific actions generated this poem.

Can you provide some insight? Who do you think this poem is talking too? Are you the type of person who wears your emotions, good or bad, on your sleeve or do you keep them to yourself? Have you ever created something in secret and then exposed that secret of your own free will? How long did you hold it in before you shared?

 

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24 thoughts on “Plagued with Worries, Hidden”

  1. tk i don’t know if you have noticed i had left one comment under one of your posts.there is a merry in worry.that is all i can say.thanks for the like.god bless 🙂

  2. I let out my emotions to my husband and close friends. It really helps. When I was the age of this poem, I kept everything inside and couldn’t even identify my feelings. I am impressed by your insight at such an early age!

  3. TK – thanks for publishing this. Good art speaks, because of what it is. It doesn’t matter what the subject matter is, nor the medium. Good art translates, and reaches people. This is good art. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and oh…btw- I’m an artist. I am in a low point right now..and your piece has reached me, and made me hope. Thks TK!;)

  4. I tend to be very reserved, at least about my worries and hurts and such. I’d like to think this means when I do express them friends realize how important the matter is, although that has its flaws.

    1. It all has it’s flaws. Sometimes I hate how often I keep stuff to myself because people think I’m stronger than I really am.

  5. In response to your questions: I try not to let my feelings show, but heck the people around me tell me that I’m too transparent, which can be a disadvantage during meetings :p

      1. Ah damn, most of the time — not. They actually end up pissing me more, and I have the sneaky suspicion that they actually enjoy it, hahahaha 😀 So I’ve been trying to perfect my poker face recently. Wish me luck 🙂

  6. I got the sense that it was a commentary on a relationship. The different coping strategies that two people have, and how even when you’re trying to save the other person pain, you can hurt them without explaining how you’re doing it. You share an awareness of a quiet sort of pain, ambiguous but beautiful sadness.

    1. That makes sense to me. I get the message of the poem, but I can’t apply it to a specific experience when I was 14. Maybe I was just feeling something a bit bigger than me and felt the need to write it down.

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