When it comes to LGBTQ rights, there’s this big debate over whether sexuality is a choice. Most in the religious community say it is and most in the scientific community say it’s not. I’ve actually heard the argument there is no such thing as sexuality and the only reason we have it is because we assign gender norms. People use this debate as a condition of their support or lack there of for LGBTQ rights. I can’t help but wonder sometimes why it should matter if sexuality is a choice or not.
Let’s get this first argument out of the water. The key is consenting adults. I don’t want to hear about humping animals or children because neither can consent. However, when it comes to two (or more) consenting adults in the bedroom, whose to judge?
Okay, so maybe God can judge, but no human walking on earth is God. You don’t get to judge. We all have our own morals, but there’s a separation of church and state for a reason. We don’t get to impose our personal beliefs on other people.
“But, TK,” You say. “What if I personally believe murder is okay? If the government can’t tell me what to believe, then how can it ban my belief murder is okay?”
First of all, if a few laws and/or religious rules are all that prevent you from unleashing mayhem on the human race, you are terrifying. Second, we have these things called human rights. We all get them because we are human. It’s pretty awesome.
When it comes to law, I draw the line at interfering with another person’s rights. So, Crazy-Reader-Who- Believes-in-Murder, it is my opinion that it is 100% okay for you to believe in murder. Believe all the craziness you want my friend. However, there’s this thing called the Right to Life. People have this and if you murder them, you are messing with this right. That’s why there’s a law against it.
If two consenting adults, regardless of their gender, want to engage in a sexual activity, they are affecting no one else’s rights. So why should there be a law against it?
Now that we’ve reasoned that out, there is another issue that is painfully obvious to me. It’s something that I see all too often in every debate about LGBTQ equality.
Why is it all about sex?
Maybe that’s a stupid question since the thing religious people have a problem with is the sex. One of my college Catholic friends explained to me it was, according to the Catholic faith (not sure about others) okay to love someone of the same sex, to live with them and to lay next to them at night. The only thing that is wrong is having sex with someone of the same sex.
That’s a stupid reason to reduce a a loving, faithful, committed relationship to nothing but sex. Sometimes, I feel like we debate LGBTQ issues like we are debating which forms of sex are and aren’t right. We forget that relationships are so much more than sex. They mean so much more.
What about questions that characterize these relationships as loving, human partnerships?
- How did you know you loved your partner?
- How long have you been together?
- What is the most romantic thing your partner has ever done for you?
- Do you think you’ll be together forever?
- What do you imagine for the future?
Maybe society doesn’t ask these questions as much as the questions about morality in the bedroom because they do paint all sexualities in a human light. It’s easy to judge “them” and harder to judge someone you recognize as a human being with legit feelings.
In terms of creating laws, why should it matter whether one’s sexuality is a choice? How did you know what your sexuality was? Why are people more obsessed over the sex in LGBTQ relationships instead of the relationship? Can that ever change?
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