For all my talk of avoiding young marriage, I’m fast reaching an age where that remains irrelevant to my situation. Next year, I will turn 25, effectively completing a fourth of my life. Saying I’m avoiding young marriage is hard to say when you’re not that young anymore. So why do I remain unmarried, especially after being with my boyfriend for nearly 6 years? How can I remain unbothered when I really do wish to be married some day?
The truth is, I want a lot of grandiose, risky things. I want to own a home, to make a living off of writing book, to travel the world and, yes, to get married. While I want all these things and can take steps toward achieving them, I can’t drop everything to make them a reality. Without stability in our careers and finances, buying a house carries too much risk. If I were to quit everything in order to pursue my dream of being an author, I would inevitably make myself a burden on my family and probably on the government with no idea if I could make my dream a reality.
There is a right time and place for everything. While you can’t wait forever and there’s no chance of eliminating all risk, I am a firm believer in gut feelings. You know when a risk is worth taking. The time will come for everything and there’s no reason to apply unnecessary pressure.
Pressure is the next topic here. One thing I never want to do is force my boyfriend into something his gut says he isn’t ready for. Over these six years, I’ve learned I am often ready for the riskier decisions in life before he is. There’s nothing wrong with this and I have no problem waiting. I’d much rather wait then force him into something before he feels ready. I’ve seen enough relationships ruined that way. I can think of a number of people whose relationship/marriage might have been one of the happiest ever. Yet, due to pressure from themselves, family or society, they made a commitment to marriage earlier than they should have. That alone can destroy a marriage. We all know the right time to get married.
The right time is when you’re ready.
I have made it clear to my boyfriend (in the least pressure-filled way I could think of) that he does not have unlimited time. There will come a moment where I am not only ready to get married, but I am ready now. When that time comes, I will take the steps necessary for my happiness, even if that means finding someone else who is willing to take the chance of marriage with me.
If I thought that dismal future was likely, I wouldn’t be with my boyfriend today. We hadn’t been dating for a month before I told him I was dating to find a life partner. No matter how much I like, love or care for him, the moment I decide he will not be a good husband for me will be the moment we go our separate ways. That hasn’t happened and I don’t believe it will.
Somewhere, there is someone reading this who thinks I’m crazy. They think my boyfriend will never want to marry me and that I’m wasting precious time I could be using to find someone who will. Life is a journey my friends. Even if the unlikely day comes where we go our separate ways, I can’t regret these happy years I’ve had. They got me where I am today, made me who I am. I will always be grateful for the progress this relationship has granted my life.
We’ve also discussed the big issues and even have names picked out for a potential boy or girl (although whether I’ll give birth to a child is still up for debate). Wedding concepts are discussed and it’s not uncommon for me to show him a wedding dress I see on Pinterest and ask for his opinion.
Once, he woke me up in the middle of the night and asked if I’d like to be proposed to on a mountain. I then realized he was talking in his sleep, but that still means a part of him was thinking about something. ^_^ Another night, we both had our share of drinks at a friend’s house. I was happily playing a game of Cards Against Humanity with a few strangers (and laughed out loud when I drew a card that read, “How did I lose my virginity?”). At some point on this night, my dear boyfriend told one of our friend he had two years. Two years until marriage? I’m happy with that. Whenever he thinks he is ready is fine with me.
I’m not in this relationship for a ring or for a frilly, white dress. I’m not in it for the title of wife or to complete some societal obligation to form a family unit and pop out 2.5 kids. I am here, in this relationship to find a life partner. Marriage will happen when the time is right. I am happy to wait.
Do you know people who got married before they were ready? What happened to their relationship in the future? Would you break up with someone if it took them too long to ask you to marry them? How long would you date before making that decision?
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